NASHVILLE, TN—In a scandal, popular Christian recording artist Bryan Toby mentioned Jesus Christ by name live in an interview with a Christian radio station.
The damaging faux pas flies in the face of CCM tradition, which states that Christian artists must only refer to God by use of esoteric metaphors.
“Yeah, I really owe my whole career to Jesu—” Toby began, but was cut off as one of the DJs leaped across the table to tackle him.
DJs attempted to cut off the feed, but it was too late, and the damage was done. Toby immediately lost his record deal. His friends and family distanced themselves from his “hateful rhetoric.” He was disinvited from this year’s Dove Awards. His career is in shambles.
Toby attempted to apologize and claim he was actually just taking the Lord’s name in vain, but it was obvious to all that excuse wouldn’t fly. “It was pretty clear he made a blatant reference to He Who Must Not Be Named,” one blogger wrote in Relevant Magazine in a scathing piece sandwiched between a post on your Enneagram type and an article on Stranger Things season 3. “We want people to think we’re cool and hip, and how can we do that if Christian recording artists insist on referring to Jesus by name? This is simply unacceptable.”
The station issued an apology for the mistake, and by way of apology, announced it would be playing inoffensive, vapid music for the next 38 years.
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