Christian Artist Renounces Faith Now That Jesus Has Served His Purpose Of Providing Fame, Fortune

AUSTRALIA—Christian singer-songwriter Marty Sampson renounced his faith the moment Jesus had served his purpose of providing him fame and fortune.

“Now that being a Christian songwriter has made me rich and famous, I’m not really sure what purpose Jesus serves anymore,” Sampson said as he picked through a bowl of M&Ms backstage, making sure there were no brown ones. “So I just let him know he was cut from the team. No need carrying around all that Christian baggage.”

Sampson pointed out that although writing Christian worship music made him famous, there’s not much more fame and fortune he can achieve under the Christian label, so “it’s time to move on to greener pastures.”

The artist bravely suffered for his decision to walk away from the Christian faith. His martyrdom at the hands of judgmental Christians will be the subject of a multi-million-dollar documentary, book, and reflective solo album, all titled What A Beautiful Fame.

At publishing time, Sampson had clarified that he wasn’t walking away from the faith just yet, as his agent had informed him there was still a little bit of money to be made off believers before he goes fully secular.

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