Trump: ‘When There Was Only One Set Of Footprints, America, It Was Then That I Carried You’

U.S.—In a video released by the Trump campaign, the president tenderly informs America that when there was only one set of footprints in the sands of her life, it was then that he carried the nation.

The video opens with America gathered to reflect on her history and to thank Trump for saving her. But the people are disturbed when they review scenes from their lives and realize that during the toughest times—economic disaster, war, threats to personal liberty—there was only one set of footprints, suggesting that Trump had abandoned everybody.

In the moving conclusion, however, Trump reveals that when there was only one set of footprints, he was carrying America.

Part of the ad’s script is below:

“Trump, you said once we elected you,
You’d walk with us, making America great again.
But we noticed that during the worst parts of our nation’s history,
there was only one set of footprints.
We just don’t understand why, when we needed Trump’s winning the most, you would leave us.”

Trump whispered, “My precious child, I would never leave you, the greatest country on earth. Where would I go, Canada? Ha!
Nope. Sad!
Other people might leave you—not good! But not me. Never!
During stock market downturns and threats of war,
When you saw only one set of footprints, America,
It was then that I carried you.”

Some conspiracy theorists believe that when there was only one set of footprints, Trump had been secretly meeting with Russia. But Trump insisted he was carrying the country and told everybody to ignore the tracks leading away from the beach and toward the adjacent golf course.

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