ATLANTA, GA—Chick-fil-A has announced a major change in the production of its delicious chicken sandwiches. The company will now be outsourcing all food production to McDonald’s.
According to corporate spokespeople, since the company’s unique approach has been working so incredibly well, it was only obvious that it was time to change things up. “Why fix what isn’t broken? Well, because a few people were mad about it, that’s why,” a spokesperson said.
“Worldly values, worldly chicken,” he said proudly as he showed off the company’s new stale McNuggets, flat, dry, chicken sandwiches, and broken ice cream machines. “It just didn’t make much sense for us to make heavenly chicken anymore.”
“We decided what the market really wants is microwaved food that’s been sitting under a heat lamp for days,” he added.
In addition, Chick-fil-A is having McDonald’s train all its new employees. They will simply grunt when you ask them for something, they will forget you even exist, and they are guaranteed to forget the sauce for your McNuggets, “every time, guaranteed.” Instead of saying, “my pleasure,” Chick-fil-A employees will now say, “Yeah, OK, whatever, bro.”
Chick-fil-A has also asked McDonald’s to help them implement successful drive-thru practices, like keeping people waiting for an hour only to ask them to pull into a parking spot to wait for their food for an additional hour and still forgetting their friggin’ McNugget sauce.
The restaurants will also be open on Sunday.
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