Nation’s Christians Prepare To Celebrate Final Christmas Before Biden Bans It Again

U.S.—After four long years of enjoying Christmas every December, Christians are celebrating a bittersweet holiday this year, as it’s the last one they’ll get to enjoy for at least the next four years.

Desperate believers rushed stores to buy gifts, Christmas trees, and decorations, somberly acknowledging that this was probably the last Christmas they would get to enjoy for many years to come.

“Might as well make the most of our last Christmas for the foreseeable future,” said one man as he hung ornaments on his tree. “It was so nice to have Christmas again for so many years in a row. I’d almost forgotten what it was like, opening presents, being with family, having a turkey — I hope we don’t lose our traditions again this time.”

“Yes, we can celebrate in secret, but it’s just not the same.”

A teary-eyed Trump emerged on the White House lawn this week to lead Christians in their final singing of “Silent Night” before it becomes illegal again as it was under the Obama administration. He didn’t seem to know the words after the first verse, though, and just kinda mouthed the lyrics to “Happy Birthday.”