Janet Yellen Clears Key Confirmation Hurdle After Correctly Identifying $5 Bill In Blind Taste Test

WASHINGTON—With a 26-0 vote of approval from the Senate Finance Committee, treasury secretary nominee Janet Yellen cleared a key confirmation hurdle Friday after correctly identifying a $5 bill in a blind taste test. “I’m definitely detecting notes of low denomination,” said the blindfolded Yellen, who reportedly swirled the currency around in her mouth to savor what she recognized as hints of a late 2000s blend of cotton and linen, most likely pressed in the East Coast region. “The plastic strip evident on the palate tells me it’s not a counterfeit, and the earthy notes mean it’s been in circulation for a while. Certainly can’t be of Mnuchin-vintage. Ah, I’m sensing a strong watermark on the backend—it’s a 2009 Geithner $5 bill, serial number JA06046325.” According to sources, Yellen now faces a full Senate vote before which she will be expected to show her expertise by pairing big economic bailouts with irresponsible corporations.

The Onion