ATLANTA—Stressing the challenge of overcoming numerous obstacles, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention announced Monday that the United States was finally on track to chuck out 1 million expired vaccines per day. “After spending months struggling with the vaccine rollout, we at the CDC are proud to announce that, come February, the U.S. will finally be meeting our goal of shit-canning one million doses a day,” said Rochelle Walensky, director of the Center, explaining how, thanks to the help of the federal government, drug manufacturers have greatly ramped up production and distribution of the inoculation so it can now be tossed out with maximum speed and efficiency. “When we announced our goal, it may have seemed overly ambitious, but thanks to poor coordination and funding cuts among state and local entities, we were able to make what seemed like a moonshot into reality. This moment is a major milestone in the fight against Covid that will be remembered for generations to come.” Walensky added that if they keep their current pace, the U.S.’s entire vaccine stockpile could be in the garbage by summer.
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