Jesus' Coming Back

Fear of failure completely justified

LONDON, ON – A recent study from Western University has determined that your fear of failure is completely justified. The study – lead by esteemed Sociology Professor John Daniels and funded by the concerned parents association of Canada – gathered its results after following four dozen Canadians who had given up a stable income to pursue passion projects. 

“Out of all the people we followed, only one was able to put together a living from their creative endeavours,” said Daniels. “She sells artisan cake pops shaped like Baby Yoda through Etsy.” 

The statistics paint a striking picture. An overwhelming percentile of the study’s participants had made their personal and financial lives far worse by pursuing goals. Furthermore, the pursuit and failure of said goals took literal decades for the participants to complete. Daniels elaborated that Canadians interested in acting were particularly prone to these conditions. 

“Most people are far worse at acting than they think they are,” said Daniels. “But even having a job in the Canadian entertainment industry can’t really be considered a success. A high point in a Canadian career might entail a recurring role in Murdoch Mysteries… and if we’re being honest is that really what we think of when we say a person is making it?” 

While creative endeavours were at the forefront of the study, failing at passion projects wasn’t limited to the arts. People entering so-called “safe” professions should also be worried about their ambition. For instance: a staggeringly high number of people hoping to become lawyers and doctors drop out of school before finishing their degrees.

The study suggests that anyone thinking of chasing their dreams instead listens to that nagging voice in the back of their head saying they’re not good enough. It also suggests that people maybe try pursuing what they love as a hobby instead. 

“You’re probably not going to succeed if you try living life the way you want,” said Daniels. “But hey, there’s still a shot to star in your community theatre’s production of RENT or bully your co-worker into buying a custom watercolour of their rescue dog. Don’t give up but maybe don’t try too hard either.” 

Beaverton

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