TIERRASANTA, CA—Local father Carlos Maricio was briefly left in charge of his kids as his wife had to run to the store to buy groceries for the family for an hour or two.
“Dad, I”m hungry,” his son said a few minutes in.
“What?” Maricio responded. “Oh, food? Uh… hmmm. Let’s see… yeah, I’ll be right with you.”
Maricio then went into his bedroom and frantically googled “what do children eat?”, rapidly scrolling through the results to try to figure out what human children should be fed. “I think they probably eat, like, soft stuff? Like cotton? Is that food that a kid would eat?”
“Garbage? No, they probably don’t eat garbage,” he muttered to himself as he started digging through the cupboard looking for something that looked as though a human child could digest it. “Screws? Napkins? Batteries? No, I know it’s not batteries… wait, I’ve got it: a lawnmower!”
At publishing time, he had simply driven through a nearby McDonald’s for some McNuggets.
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