Jif Slammed For New Ad Claiming Children With Peanut Allergies Just Lying For Attention

ORRVILLE, OH—With calls for a mass boycott of the spreadable topping growing on social media, Jif peanut butter and its parent company, J.M. Smucker, were reportedly facing fierce criticism Friday for a new commercial that claims children with peanut allergies are just lying for the attention. “Kids lie about everything—their homework, their chores, their screen time—so who’s to say they’re not lying about their peanut allergy too?” said CEO Mark T. Smucker in the 60-second prime-time TV spot, before going on to tout Jif as the only peanut-butter brand “with the balls to stand up to the millions of children and teenagers” he claimed have invented the condition from whole cloth. “These are the same whiny brats who fake asthma and panic attacks. They clearly just want someone to feel sorry for them so they’ll get special treatment. You think your throat’s closing up? That’s just the rich, creamy taste of Jif peanut butter, you sniveling little shit. Now eat your PB&J before I shove it down your goddamn throat.” Confirming the company had filed suit against schools with peanut bans, Smucker stated that his family had been in the condiment business for “five fucking generations” and had no intention of being driven into bankruptcy by “a bunch of pussies who can’t handle their Jif.”

The Onion