Jesus' Coming Back

Rescue dog unable to save failing relationship

Hamilton, ON – Jane Rogers and Eric Salts recently discovered that adopting a six-year-old rescue dog was not enough to put off the ending of their four-year relationship. The couple, who are currently attempting to move out of their shared apartment, began fostering the dog seven months ago and made arrangements to adopt shortly thereafter. 

“When Eric said he thought we should adopt a rescue dog I was really excited. I thought – hey maybe he’s finally ready to commit to something,” said Rogers. “But it turns out the two of us had really different definitions of forever home.” 

The couple had hoped that adopting a dog would push them through a particularly rough patch they’d been experiencing for the better part of a year. 

“In retrospect, it kind of seems like a hail-mary pass,” said Salts. “Like, we clearly weren’t getting along and I thought maybe if she learned how to care for something other than herself then things might get kind of better between us… but that’s a lot of pressure to put on a dog.” 

While initially June, named after Uncle Junior from The Sopranos, did bring Rogers and Salt together, things quickly devolved when the lab mix began “choosing sides.”

“I was the one who fed June and took him for walks and that Benedict Arnold immediately started liking her better,” said Salts. “It made me really angry.” 

“Eric is so insecure in himself that he got intimated when a dog showed me affection,” said Rogers. 

The couple is planning to have joint custody of the dog, thus ensuring that they’ll have to see each other passively for the next seven years or so, something that would not have happened if they just had the courage to break up in the first place. 

Beaverton

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