BROOKLYN, NY—According to sources, the hip, progressive workers at Hudson Miley Bicycle Co. are perplexed by the addition of Dale Smithers to their young and dynamic team. According to some who spoke to The Babylon Bee anonymously, they suspect Mr. Smithers of being a diversity hire– part of corporate’s effort to bring more conservatives into the workplace.
“He looks like he’s never even ridden a bicycle before,” said Chia Spirit-Forrest, one of the designers at Hudson Miley. “I heard he was an accountant in Indiana for 20 years. Are we sure this guy’s even qualified?”
“I don’t feel safe when I come into work anymore,” said graphic designer Aria Fleetwood. “What if he harbors misogynistic attitudes? What if… he was involved in the Capitol riot??”
With most of the team not sure what to do with Dale, they elected to put him in a remote corner of the office to pump up bicycle tires all day.
Mr. Smithers’s use became much more apparent to everyone in the office when tax season came.
“Dude found me over $30,000 of deductions!” exclaimed seat installer Rustic Kale-fu. “Dale’s the MAN!”
Babylon Bee subscriber David Deeble contributed to this report. If you want to get involved with the staff writers at The Babylon Bee, check out our membership options here!
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