John Kerry Arrives In Massive Coal-Powered Steamroller To Accept Climate Change Award

ICELAND—According to sources, Climate Czar John Kerry arrived in Iceland to receive a climate change leadership award, riding in a massive coal-burning, steam-powered machine.

“Listen, this is really the only way for an important person like me to get around safely,” said Kerry indignantly after being questioned by reporters. “I find it to be a very effective mode of transportation– especially when roads are bad or filthy peasants are in the way. This baby just rolls right over ’em.”

According to sources, the machine is powered by a steam engine that burns 12 tons of raw, filthy coal every hour. There are also 8 rocket-boosters on the rear for when a quick escape is needed.

“Listen here, I don’t need you malcontents chiding me about my transportation choices!” said Kerry. “I happen to be a very important international figure! You don’t realize how important my work is.” 

Kerry accepted his award, and then boarded his coal-powered rocket-Zepplin and took off across the Atlantic.