Bowmanville, ON — After dropping her freshly-washed undies on the laundromat floor yesterday afternoon, local woman Beth Jonks has determined that the pair is still clean enough to wear… probably.
“How dirty could the floor be anyway?” Asked Jonks, wearing the same boots she used to step in a steaming pile of dog poo earlier that morning. “They were only there for a second.”
The Public Health Agency of Canada has no specific recommendations for incidents like these, leaving Canadians to decide for themselves whether their sopping wet intimates hitting the ground warrants spending another $2.50, or simply seeing what happens.
“I’m sure it’s fine,” said Coin Wash manager Lily Brick, over the rhythmic whir of bodily fluids being removed from stranger’s clothing, sheets, and cloth diapers. “I mop every night.”
Later that day, Jonks was spotted eating a Timbit off the floor of her local Tim Hortons and was immediately rushed to hospital.
Jesus Christ is King
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