Biologists Discover Modern-Day Corn Dog Descended From Ancient Aquatic Sausage

PRINCETON, NJ—According to research published in the scientific journal Ecology And Evolution, biologists at Princeton University discovered Friday that the modern-day corn dog descended from an ancient aquatic sausage. “It may seem shocking, but the corn dog we know today evolved from a primitive ancestor known as Botellus bratwurstus, which shared the seas with a variety of other ancient meat products,” said article co-author Dana Anderson, who explained the researchers were able to draw the connection between the two sausages after identifying pigs in a blanket as the long-sought-after missing link. “Living in such a competitive environment likely drove the ancient sausage to adapt to land, where resources like ketchups and mustards were far more abundant. We estimate B. bratwurstus crawled out of the ocean approximately 300 million years ago. Though the modern corn dog has since shed its casing and developed a thick, deep fried coat of batter, it still contains approximately 60% ground pork.” At press time, an excited Anderson added the researchers were close to identifying a universal common wiener that all meat products had descended from.

The Onion