TAMPA, FL—Hundreds of NFL fans are excitedly looking forward to Super Bowl LV between the Kansas City Chiefs take on the Tampa Bay Buccaneers. Arguably, there’s been even more buzz this year as the halftime show is rumored to consist of a live reading of White Fragility by Robin DiAngelo.
“I can think of nothing more unifying for the country right now than to read how inherently racist America is and all the ways white people are to blame,” said author and diversity trainer Robin DiAngelo. “This will truly bring us together so we can begin healing.”
Following the success of last year’s Super Bowl halftime show that was celebrated for its tasteful, family-friendly entertainment, many were concerned about how it could possibly be topped. “That’s when we knew it was time to go big and find something that will get the people going, but also shame them for their own good,” a Superbowl LV spokesperson said. “All of our focus groups indicated that average, American people are hungry for lectures accusing them of wrongdoing against fellow Americans. We think this is going to be a truly special time.”
At showtime, the lights will dim dramatically, except for a single spotlight on DiAngelo as she sits on the 50-yard-line with her book in hand. All of Raymond James Stadium will be asked to remain respectfully silent as she begins to read through her book.
For 45 minutes, DiAngelo will deconstruct the pillars of whiteness such as being an individual and believing in nonsense like objectivity. She will explain that white people have 2 options: either admit they are racist or deny that they are racist, thus proving their racism.
“Arguing with this, staying silent, simply walking away, or even crying are all hard evidence of your racism,” says DiAngelo. “So the simple remedy to all of this is to admit it and sign up for my antiracist seminars.”
After the show, NFL fans will be given the opportunity to sign up for a $10,000 anti-racist seminar.
“We expect the show to be a hit,” said NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell. “We’re hoping maybe next year we can have Obama come and read one of his memoirs.”
A Babylon Bee subscriber contributed to this report. If you want to get involved with the staff writers at The Babylon Bee, check out our membership options here!
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