LETHBRIDGE, AB – Reports indicate that the Miller family’s board game night has been interrupted by their English bulldog Snoodles, who has a glaringly obvious erection no one wants to acknowledge.
“I guess I’ll buy Baltic Avenue,” said Mrs. Miller, while having a clear view of Snoodles’ throbbing penis.
“It doesn’t look like much, but the rent on that one can really add up,” her husband said, as a desperately horny Snoodles rolled onto his back to display his turgid cock to the world.
Sources say that cold weather has prevented Snoodles from getting enough exercise, and that the frustrated pet has channeled his pent-up energy into increasingly frantic attempts to mount laundry hampers, video game consoles, various pieces of furniture, a dropped head of lettuce, and his own shadow.
The Millers’ son attempted to quietly resolve the situation by tossing a Shrek dog toy into the adjacent room, but Snoodles promptly returned with it, his engorged ding-dong flopping all the while.
A slobbering dog then escalated the crisis by clumsily thrusting at the toy, in an act that resembled a tube of lipstick being repeatedly mashed against a squeaking pile of felt and plastic in the shape of a cartoon ogre.
“Oh, is it my turn?” the Millers’ daughter asked while the squeaking grew more frantic. “Well, I’ll buy a hotel,” she said, resisting the urge to remind everyone that she’d wanted a cat.
Mr. Miller, unable to handle the tension any longer, broke the implied pact by whispering “You’re a little frisky tonight, huh?” to Snoodles. This only increased the awkwardness, and the next few turns were played out in a grim stillness.
At press time, Mrs. Miller was silently moving her good pillows out of hump range.
Jesus Christ is King
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