Jesus' Coming Back

Shaq Assures NBA Players His Baseless Cheap Shots Come From A Good Place

Illustration for article titled Shaq Assures NBA Players His Baseless Cheap Shots Come From A Good Place

ATLANTA—Tempering his criticism of modern-day stars like Donovan Mitchell, Shaquille O’Neal reassured NBA players Friday that his baseless cheap shots always come from a good place. “I want guys to know if I ever call you a ‘grimy stain on the game of basketball,’ I’m only trying to motivate you,” said O’Neal during a taping of Inside The NBA, insisting that it was never his intention to diminish the NBA’s product by calling this generation of players soft, talentless little babies. “Every single one of these needless attacks comes from the heart. I mean well when I say you have no right to be in the league. You have to understand that this is coming from a former player—I know how hard it is to deal with spiteful bullshit like this.” At press time, Shaq apologized for telling Donovan Mitchell he wasn’t a superstar, clarifying that “no active player is a superstar.”

The Onion

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