Jesus' Coming Back

5 tips to make your Valentine’s Day as hot and steamy as St. Valentine’s execution

Today is the day of , where we slow down our normal routine, take a moment, and cherish those we love. Whether it’s a partner, spouse, or just a friend with benefits, we all know the thrill of recreating the hot, steamy, and electrifying experience that St. Valentine himself experienced on February 14, 270 AD, where he was dragged through the street, and executed.

Here’s a couple tips to help you out!

5. Get a little rough

Let’s face it, sometimes the regular stuff gets boring. That’s okay, we all have our tastes, and spicing things up is par for the course for our lives. One avenue to spice things up is to add a little bit of rough play into the process. Start with some light spanking, and with enough perseverance you can work up to clubs, similar to the ones that beat St. Valentine to death in Ancient .

4. Throw in some roleplay

There’s nothing wrong with some right? Well the same goes for costumes! Find a scenario that turns you both on, and have fun with it! Perhaps we can suggest the Claudius II era Roman Empire, where the famous Saint was sentenced to death for trying to convert the emperor to ?

3. Leave each other notes throughout the day

What else is Valentine’s Day for, than leaving Valentines for the people you love! Start in the morning, a note with breakfast, perhaps a sensual text! It’s all fair game! If you keep your minds (and other places…) in waiting, the release will be much better when the whole day is filled with anticipation. Not quite the same level of anticipation as waiting in a jail cell for the state to execute you for marrying people in secret… but close enough!

2. Add a blindfold into the mix

The blindfold is a simple tool, but one that can change things dramatically in bed. You slip that baby on and every touch, every smell, and every taste will be that much stronger. When the moment comes to finally take it off, you’ll see what you’ve been missing. You were once blind, but now can see! Much like the jailer’s daughter, who St. Valentine cured of her blindness, but you won’t be beaten and beheaded for it! I mean… probably.

1. Have dirty, nasty, blasphemous sex on the day a Saint was murdered by the state

Fuck that dude, he’s been dead for like 2000 years, desecrate everywhere you can in his name like the filthy heretics you are. Spray those fluids in the name of the lord baby!

Beaverton

Jesus Christ is King

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