Americans Call For More Trump Impeachment Trials As Long As It Keeps Congress Occupied

US—Across the nation, millions of Americans have demanded more impeachment trials of former President Donald Trump. They hope that in doing so Congress will come to a complete standstill and stay out of everyone’s lives. 

“Sure, it might seem like a huge waste of time and taxpayer dollars — which it definitely is — but it’s way better than what they would be doing without impeachment,” said impeachment activist Derrick Swanson. “We’re just trying to keep the eyes of Congress fixated upon impeaching Trump for as long as possible to buy Americans time to enjoy their lives.”

Potential high crimes for Trump’s next impeachment trial include Trump’s infecting millions with Trump Derangement Syndrome, jaywalking, and lying to the American people about his golf scores at his Mar-A-Lago Club. “This time we’ll get him! Third time’s the charm!” said Senator Cory Booker. “Or maybe the fourth or the eighteenth, but who cares, as long as we get him eventually. That’s what really matters!” 

Critics have slammed these impeachment proposals as being silly, partisan, and doomed to fail from the outset, but they changed their minds after remembering that they are also hilarious to watch.