‘Greetings Thrillseekers, Music Lovers, Conversationalists All Across The Fruited Plains,’ Booms Rush Limbaugh’s Voice Across Heaven’s PA System

HEAVEN—According to sources, the EIB southern command has been officially moved to an undisclosed location beyond the pearly gates of Heaven, where Rush Limbaugh’s show has been renewed for an infinite number of seasons. In addition, Limbaugh has been granted access to Heaven’s golden PA system where he will make the occasional announcement. 

“Greetings thrill-seekers, music lovers, conversationalists all across the fruited plain!” Limbaugh began in his first-ever celestial broadcast. “This is Heaven’s anchorman, the Doctor of Democracy, your own lovable little fuzzball, the all-knowing, all-seeing, all-caring, all-FEELING Maha Rushie, having more fun than a human being should be allowed to have, with talent on loan from GOD, and with half my brain tied behind my back, JUST to make it fair.”

All of Heaven cheered upon hearing the famous voice.

“Saint Peter will be the keynote speaker for today’s lunch. And DON’T FORGET– There is a King David and Carman concert tonight at 9. Appearing together for the first time ever. Don’t miss it!” 

After some negotiations, the Almighty has agreed to extend His loan of Limbaugh’s talent so he can continue broadcasting and commenting on heavenly matters.

Some have questioned this decision to allow Rush a platform after past controversial statements, but sources indicate that the world’s most popular broadcast specialist has had his sins completely forgiven– covered by the blood of Jesus. Thanks to Rush’s new heavenly vantage point, his opinions are now documented to be right 100% of the time.

In addition to being played in Heaven, Rush’s new show will be played for the souls in Leftist Hell for all eternity– or at least until they all become Conservatives.