Jesus' Coming Back

Luka Dončić Shares Harrowing Story About Homeland Being Torn Apart By Tyrannical Referees

Illustration for article titled Luka Dončić Shares Harrowing Story About Homeland Being Torn Apart By Tyrannical Referees

DALLAS—Describing his memories of a nascent Slovenia, fresh off the heels of revolution, Mavericks star Luka Dončić shared a harrowing story Thursday about his homeland being torn apart by tyrannical referees. “We once had a beautiful country until the refs came and imposed their ways,” said Dončić, tearfully recalling when he watched an official eject his grandfather out of the country to spend his final days in exile. “They were the only ones who ever had a say—there was no fairness. Sometimes bad things would happen, and they would just look the other way. It didn’t matter how many people protested for them to intervene. If they didn’t see a crime, it’s like it never even happened. Of course, there was always speculation as to who was paying them off.” At press time, Dončić told teammates an apocryphal story of Slovenian referees reviewing footage to decide who lived and who died.

The Onion

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