Revealed: Biden Shows Off His High-Tech Basement Lab Where He Invented The COVID Vaccine

WASHINGTON, D.C.—Biden offered journalists an exciting look at his secret basement lab this week, where he has been working hard since his January 20th inauguration to develop a COVID vaccine.

“When I became President, as my mother always used to say, we didn’t even have a vaccine!” said Biden while giving the tour. “I’ve been hard at work mixing a little of this and a little of that until I think we arrived at a recipe my Great-Aunt Tammy-Sue would’ve been proud of. As my grandpappy used to say, ‘We gotta get people vaccinated, Jack!'”

According to sources, the vaccine will require 12 doses which will be administered personally by Biden in his own basement, starting with LGBTQ women of color.

“Finally, a vaccine plan that works!” said all the journalists in perfect monotone unison before erupting in a chorus of cheers. 

The vaccine will be available for wide use in 2023. The CDC has asked everyone to remain locked down until then.