WASHINGTON, D.C.—As more and more Americans start wondering where the $2,000 stimulus checks Joe Biden promised are, especially as he’s now decided to start meddling in Syria, Biden issued a statement today clarifying that the stimulus checks were “just an idea.”
“The stimulus checks, see, they’re just an idea,” he said, shrugging off claims that the stimulus checks were supposed to be actual checks sent to Americans. “They’re more of a metaphor. You might say the real stimulus checks were just the countries we bombed along the way, Jack. The real stimulus checks, ya see, they were inside us all along.”
“You there, the grrr– the girl with the pretty hair,” he said, gesturing toward a reporter in the front row. “You’re a stimulus check. And you, the guy with the mustache — you’re a stimulus check. In a way, all of us are stimulus checks when we live according to the American values of love, progress, and unity. We can all become the stimulus checks we wish to see in the world.”
Biden’s statement brought everyone in the room to tears, and Snopes quickly fact-checked his claim that the stimulus checks were never intended to be literal but were always “just an idea” as “double-plus true.”
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