Pennywise The Clown Rebrands Underground Sewer Lair As ‘Overflow Facility For Unaccompanied Minors’

DERRY, ME—Pennywise the Clown has a public image issue. It turns out a lot of people have a negative view of stealing kids and keeping them in the sewer and also eating them. 

But Pennywise hired a PR rep, who had previously worked with the Biden administration, and the public image professional was able to quickly turn his image around with some simple rebranding.

“It’s not kids in sewers — it’s just an overflow facility for unaccompanied minors,” Pennywise announced at a press conference. “We’re merely containing the children — quite comfortably I might add — until we are able to locate their parents and devour…” (his PR rep shot him a look at this point) “… I mean, and reunite them with their families.”

“In addition, 10% of the life force I devour in these kids goes to support social justice causes.”

The effect on the press coverage of Pennywise was immediate. After the announcement, reporters for The Derry Herald, who had previously been very critical of Pennywise’s kid stealing and devouring activities, praised the clown for his important human rights work. “We’re just glad it’s not that evil Randall Flagg guy — Pennywise is a huge improvement.”