Absentminded Joe Biden Accidentally Mails Stimulus Checks To Defense Contractors Instead Of Americans

WASHINGTON, D.C.—Joe Biden is getting on in years. He’s no spring chicken anymore. Well, that means that once in a while he has a senior moment, and yesterday was no exception. Biden suddenly realized that he had accidentally mailed nearly a trillion dollars in stimulus money to defense contractors instead of sending the checks to Americans as promised.

“Whoops-a-daisy!” he said, smacking his forehead as he realized his error. “Did I do that? Wow, that was some real malarkey. Hoo boy, I’d forget my head if Jill wasn’t around to make sure I kept it screwed onto my shoulders. Oh boy, you really stepped in it this time, Joey boy.”

Biden quickly called the defense contractors to get the checks returned, but it was too late, as they had already cashed them, purchased a bunch of bombs, and shipped them over to the Middle East to get dropped on Syria.

“Oh, man. Oh, well. No harm, no foul, I guess! Say, what say you and I meet up at Camp David next weekend to play that video game? The one with the nice Italian fellow? Mario Buggies!”