Cuomo Praised By Media For Decisive, Straight-Talking Approach To Harassing Aides

ALBANY, NY—Acknowledging the New York governor’s impressive leadership skills, members of the nation’s media praised Andrew Cuomo Monday for his decisive, straight-talking approach to harassing his aides. “His ability to recognize a female staffer and immediately take actions necessary to make her uncomfortable is exactly what you want to see in a leader,” said MSNBC’s Brian Williams, who, along with dozens of other journalists across the country, applauded the governor for getting straight to the point when asking an employee about her sex life and acting swiftly and decisively to kiss another aide before she could object. “He not only stepped up to the challenge of making unwanted advances against his colleagues but also made inappropriate comments about their bodies consistently and doggedly. He even delegated his threats to silence them after they were forced to quit their jobs so he could focus on harassing others, like a true statesman.” At press time, Governor Cuomo was receiving new accolades from the media for dismissing the allegations of harassment as a “misunderstanding” in a bold move that many were calling “presidential.”

The Onion