600-Page Stimulus Bill To Be Disguised As Nudie Mag To Trick Senators Into Reading It

WASHINGTON, D.C.—As part of a novel new plan to get senators to actually read the legislation they are voting on, the 600-page stimulus bill will be disguised as an old-time nudie mag in hopes that they’ll open it up.

“Oh? What’s this?” said one senator as he saw the giant stack of papers on his desk with a Playboy cover. “Hold my calls! I’ll be in my office uh… doing stuff! And don’t disturb me!”

The hope is that senators will read through at least a few dozen pages of the legislation before they realize they’ve been had. Some inappropriate pictures will be slipped in throughout the pages to keep them going, though there is little hope that their attention will be held beyond page 30 or 40. 

“Even if we just get them to glance at it, that’d be a win,” said the citizens’ advocacy group that came up with the plan. “Hopefully, they’ll leaf through some pages and maybe spot a few hundred billion here or there that they can cut before they saddle our grandchildren with more suffocating debt.”

“We’re not holding our breath, though.”

At publishing time, sources had confirmed that future stimulus bills will have fun electronic buttons to make sounds and interactive touch and feel elements to keep the senators entertained and engaged throughout.