Progressive Utopia: Man Eats Pancakes With Ethnically Neutral Syrup And Generic, Non-Native-American-Related Butter While Watching Washington Football Team Play

ALEXANDRIA, VA—After decades of progressive work for meaningful change, local man Chxd Bxrnx sat down in this new utopia to enjoy some carb-free pancakes with ethnically neutral maple syrup and generic, non-native American-related butter while watching the Washington football team play. 

According to sources, progressives have managed to remove all the last vestiges of problematicness from the world. Thanks to their efforts, there are no references to race, ethnicity, or gender in all of culture. 

“Man, (and womxn!), this is the life!” said Bxrnx before saying a quick prayer of lament to the Earth for robbing her of her bounty and sitting down to eat. As he dug in, his menstruating life partner read a children’s book consisting entirely of the letter “X” to his agender offspring, as the family recently burned all their Dr. Seuss books. His older agender offspring sat in a nearby room playing with a gender-neutral potato head.

Unfortunately, Bxrnx’s relaxing afternoon was cut short after his Amazon Alexa caught him whistling “Camptown Races” to himself, which is a problematic minstrel tune.

Authorities quickly arrived to haul him off to the gulags for a lesson in racial sensitivity.