In New Dr. Seuss Book, Cat In The Hat Gives Kids Puberty Blockers While Their Mother Isn’t Home

NEW YORK, NY—Things have changed quite a bit in the world of Dr. Seuss, as six of his works have been pulled from publication, banned from sale on eBay, and eliminated from people’s minds using lobotomies to help fight the threat of racism. To get with the times, though, a new Dr. Seuss book has been released, called The Cat in the Hat (He/Him).

“In this new book, using reworked art from Dr. Seuss,” said a letter from Dr. Seuss’s estate, “the Cat in the Hat once again finds the two children home alone and bored. This time he diagnoses their malaise as gender dysphoria and proceeds to give the children puberty blockers.”

An excerpt from the book reads:

“I have some new drugs,”
said the cat in the hat.
“A lot of good drugs!
I’ll inject them in you.
Your mother will not mind at all if I do.”

The children learn a lesson in intolerance, too, as their goldfish ignorantly tries to stop them from taking the drugs, warning them of permanent side effects. The goldfish is then killed and flushed down a toilet.

Numerous drag queens will be deployed to libraries across the country to perform free readings of the book to children.