Study Finds Book Burners Always Stop With Just A Few Fringe Books, So There’s Nothing To Worry About

U.S.—A new study has confirmed that people who burn books always stop with just a few obscure, third-tier books with a couple of problematic things, and their book-burning activities never go beyond that, so there’s really nothing to worry about when books start getting burned.

The study covered book burnings carried out by governments and private groups throughout history. In every case, the researchers claim, book burners never went beyond their original targets. They couldn’t find even a single time that destroying a few books led to banning and destroying even more books. Therefore, they say, we’re totally in the clear when people start destroying Dr. Seuss books, because they’ll never move beyond those into more important things.

“Don’t worry, folks — they’ll definitely just stop with a couple of books,” said the head researcher of the study, Dr. Christopher Lyleson. “They usually find a couple of really problematic ones from decades ago and just stop there, their hunger to destroy information and opinions satiated. It’s really an important societal service, to occasionally purge the older works of one or two toxic books. But it always stops there, as far as we can tell.”

“So rest easy!”

Unfortunately, the study was found to be problematic and has been burned.