It’s been a tough year. We’ve lost many of the greats! It’s important to reflect on alll the good times we got to have with our loved ones, though. So let’s sit back and pour out a non-alcoholic beverage of your choice for the homies, as we take a journey back over the past year and remember those who have been canceled.
For best results, play Michael W. Smith’s “Friends” below — or the sad song of your choice — as you peruse these beautiful lives that were lost this year:
Ready? Get out your tissues:
Chase from Paw Patrol
Chase was targeted for being a cop. Poor little guy. Who’s a good boy? Not you. ‘Cause you’re a cop. But fly high anyway, my dude. Show the angels that Chase is on the case. Chase is survived by Marshall, who is currently in trouble for wearing black spots.
The Land O’ Lakes Indian girl
For as long as we’ve remembered, the Land O Lakes Indian girl has been there, silently judging us as we ate entire sticks of butter at 3 am. But no longer. Eat a stick of butter for the homies on this one.
Western Civilization
It’s hard to say goodbye, especially when you’re saying goodbye to society as we know it. After a solid 2000-year-long run, Western Civilization said goodbye surrounded by its friends and loved ones this year. Western Civilization is survived by a bunch of screaming babies.
The Washington Redskins
The Washington Redskins are survived by the Washington Team that Plays With An Oblong Ball, Please Don’t Be Offended By Any Of These Words.
The bottom half of people’s faces
No longer can the world see your dazzling smile or your glorious mustache. Those are now symbols of your intent to kill Grandma, so they had to be covered. We don’t know what you look like anymore, and at this point, we’d probably be weirded out if we did.
Aunt Jemima
For decades, she presided over Saturday morning sugar comas, smiling from her plastic bottle as you consumed 32 pounds of corn syrup for breakfast. She was the coolest Aunt we ever had. We’ll miss you Aunt J!
Uncle Ben
All your hard-fought progress for representation in rice mascots was erased overnight. The white corporate food overlords decided you were no longer welcome. You’ll always be welcome at our table Uncle Ben– and in our hearts.
Mr. Potato Head
You were dead, but now you live again. We will never take your angry eyes and derby hat for granted again, Sir. And we can say “sir” because we know your gender. It’s right on the box, as God intended.
Dr. Seuss books
While other doctors gave us shots as kids, Dr. Seuss gave us laughter and phonics skills. Countless bedtimes reading your beloved stories with Mom and Dad. Countless moments of wonder and whimsy. All those moments will be lost, like tears… in rain.
Trump’s Tweets
This one hurts. We’ve shouted into the heavens, asking God “why.” We’ll never forget you, Trump’s tweets.
…Covfefe.
For those we’ve lost, a moment of silence.
…We will never forget.
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