Meghan Markle Reveals Royals Worried Her Son Wouldn’t Have Family’s Sickly, Rancid Skin

MONTECITO, CA—Revealing concerns within the British monarchy that a child in line to the throne might inherit a noticeably healthy glow, Meghan Markle said in a prime-time TV special Sunday that some of the royals had worried her son would be born without the family’s sickly, rancid skin. “When I was pregnant with Archie, Harry was approached by a member of his family who expressed apprehension that our baby might not have the disgustingly translucent and putrid complexions they are known for,” the Duchess of Sussex told interviewer Oprah Winfrey, explaining that the unease stemmed from the fact that her son would be the first Windsor in history not to be so pallid and heinous that even stepping foot in the sun would cause his fragile skin to blister and boil. “This person reminded Harry that it had taken centuries of intermarriage between the British peerage and other reigning families of northern Europe to produce a bloodline with remarkably thin, pigment-free dermal layers that crack, bleed, and bruise at the slightest contact. They asked what would happen if the people of the United Kingdom were to one day look upon a royal and not immediately want to retch at the sight of veins pulsating beneath gray, decaying skin.” As the interview ventured into emotionally difficult subjects, Markle was often seen holding Prince Harry’s revoltingly cadaverous hand for support.

The Onion