CDC Launches Ad Campaign Featuring Racist Mascot In Effort To Get More Conservatives Vaccinated

ATLANTA—Targeting the series of PSAs towards communities that were skeptical of inoculation, the Centers For Disease Control launched a new ad campaign Tuesday featuring a racially offensive animated mascot in an effort to get more conservatives vaccinated. “We’re hopeful that associating the vaccine with this outmoded and reprehensible caricature will help give right-wing Americans some comfort and familiarity and increase their likelihood of signing up,” said Director Rochelle Walensky, confirming that the mascot, whose design was based largely on World War II propaganda imagery, would speak in an offensively broad accent to continuously spout racial catchphrases completely unacceptable to modern sensibilities. “Our goal is to provoke a massive public pressure campaign which forces us to remove this hateful mascot, leading conservatives to locate as many vaccines as possible lest the country lose an important part of its heritage to cancel culture and the woke mob.” Walensky added that the CDC also hoped to discourage travel amongst conservatives by claiming without evidence that Delta Airlines gives discounted rates to Planned Parenthood members.

The Onion