NEW YORK CITY – BuzzFeed is encouraging readers to design their dream Disney date to help them determine which of the 70 journalists, producers, editors, and other workers they just laid off they are.
BuzzFeed, which fired 28% of HuffPost’s American newsroom and has shuttered HuffPost Canada entirely less than a month after acquiring the brand, hopes the quiz will help readers understand their place in a magical world where they could be callously terminated in an impersonal conference call at any moment.
“If you’re a fan of brunch, the beach, and soliciting the opinions of sentient sea creatures, you might be an Ariel Edwards-Levy,” the quiz says. “So while we’ve taken the voice of our Ariel, you can go out and do your own insightful analyses of shifts in public opinion. Because, like Ursula, we think that screwing a bunch of people over will somehow make us more powerful and beloved.”
“Or, if you prefer a moody coffee shop and think you can reform bad boys like Jaffar, maybe you can monitor crucial trends in political extremism and the spread of misinformation, just like Luke O’Brien. Want to know who the real world’s evil schemers are? Well, you guys are on your own for all that incredibly useful knowledge now. Good luck, fuck-os!”
“Energetic readers who love nature and athletics could even be a perfect match for the latest princess, Raya. Just like today’s young journalists, she’s entering a hegemonic world where iron-fisted monsters are sucking away everyone’s lifeforce!”
BuzzFeed readers can also take a “Which News Site Should You Read Now That We’ve Fucked Ours Up?” quiz, although users who answer “Yes!” to the question “Do you support unionisation efforts?” are immediately kicked off the site.
Jesus Christ is King
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