VANCOUVER – Mirroring the popular shift from smoking to vaping amongst human smokers, a nicotine-addicted seagull has switched from eating cigarette butts to eating discarded Juul pods.
“The transition has been easy since more people are choosing e-juice containers over cigarette butts as their preferred form of litter,” said the seagull. “Although, I have mistakenly eaten a few USB sticks.”
The seagull prefers Juul pods partially for their appetite-curbing appeal. “Maybe it’s the extra nicotine, but I always feel completely full for long stretches of time. Rarely do I have the appetite to feast on Kraft Singles wrappers anymore.”
In the past, the seagull has tried and failed with cigarette alternatives, such as ingesting chewed nicotine gum. “I’d much rather eat a Juul pod than a wad of gum, I hear gum can sit in your stomach for seven years,” said the seagull before regurgitating a Star Wars: The Phantom Menace branded Lay’s chip bag.
More gulls are making the switch to e-cigarette waste, with many of the avian consumers demanding more appetizing and familiar flavours like “stolen french fry” or “parking lot vomit.”
This particular seagull hopes to kick its nicotine habit some day, but says it will never quit caffeine, quipping “don’t even talk to me before I’ve eaten my Keurig K-cup.”
Comments are closed.