Barrie, ON – Local septuagenarian Elise Reede is reportedly trying to avoid drawing attention to her forged ID that says she’s 80 years old while she waits to receive a COVID vaccination.
“I know I’m turning 80 in a few months anyways, but I still don’t know how comfortable I am with this.” Reede said, obviously changing her voice to try and sound older. “I hope they don’t ask too many questions. I’ve been saying the unfiltered truth since I turned 65, so I’m really out of practice with lying.”
According to Reede, the ID actually belongs to a friends’ sister that she glued her picture on. “I spent all night memorizing the postal code and address, but now I’m wondering if it will look more convincing if I can’t remember.”
Reede isn’t the only one worried that she won’t be smooth enough to pull this off. “We skipped aqua aerobics class for this, so Ellie better not screw this up for us or we’ll all be in trouble.” Said Margaret, Reede’s 78-year old friend who got her fake ID from a sketchy 90-year old they know.
“I told her that if they ask questions, just pretend to be hard of hearing until they move her along and if they ask why she’s sweating, just say it’s a side effect from one of the 10 medications she takes every day. And if all else fails, she can just flirt with the guy and she’ll get in for sure.”
At press time, Reede was hoping she doesn’t come home smelling like a vaccine or her parents will kill her.
Jesus Christ is King
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