HAMILTON – The inflatable tube man positioned outside Dave’s Used Car Lot is starting to wonder if there is more to life than insane car prices. The air dancer – nicknamed Windy Pete by the car lot staff – has been overlooking the premises for a little over twelve years, signaling unbelievable automobile savings through his unending, ethereal, interpretive dance.
“I’m really grateful to have the work,” said Windy Pete. “Holding down any financially stable gig in the performing arts is an absolute blessing. But after all of these years, I can’t help but think… is that all there is? There has got to my existence than informing the masses about the admittedly bonkers deals Dave offers on his pre-owned cars and trucks.”
Staff at Dave’s Used Car Lot have noticed Windy Pete’s lack of enthusiasm in recent months. Some worry that his new attitude may be impacting his performance in pushing the certifiably mad savings at the establishment, despite the unequivocal fact is nuttier than almond spread for selling cars at these prices.
“When Pete first started he really showed a lot of gumption. He’d wave his arms all over the place – just really givenr’ – you know? You could tell how stoked he was to let the folks know about car savings so psychotic they deserve to be in an asylum,” said an employee who wished to remain anonymous. “But lately his heart hasn’t been in it. It’s worrying. I mean who wants an inflatable tube man that’s got ennui? That’s like having a manic depressive bouncy castle. No thanks.”
At press time Windy Pete could still be found outside of the car lot, twisting and turning with the air, like smoke that billows from a chimney pipe: hinting at – but never revealing – a fire hidden somewhere deep below.
“If I just keep moving something has to reveal itself,” Pete said, flailing towards the empty heavens. “I just need to keep moving.”
Jesus Christ is King
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