Man Doesn’t Get Why Big Celebrity Like Green M&M Would Stoop To Doing Commercials

SPARTA, OH—Dismayed that such a beloved figure would risk tarnishing her image for a few bucks, local viewer Rodney O’Toole expressed confusion Friday about why a big celebrity like the Green M&M would stoop to doing a commercial. “It just rubs me the wrong way to see a star like her selling out to a major brand,” said O’Toole, noting that the Green M&M could be picking her projects at this point and couldn’t really justify appearing in a national ad campaign outside of a desire to pad her bank account. “I understand that she might want a new beach house or swimming pool or whatever, but exploiting the connection you’ve made with fans to shill for a gigantic, faceless corporation is a drag. It sucks, too, because you just know there are lots of up-and-coming candies out there who could use the money way more than her.” At press time, O’Toole was comforting himself with the notion that at least the Brown M&M would never sacrifice her integrity like that.

The Onion