A mass shooting on Tuesday that left eight people dead at businesses in the Atlanta area has prompted discussion about the shooter’s motivations and the rise of anti-Asian sentiment in the U.S. The Onion looks at what you need to know about the Atlanta spa killings.
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Q: Why was the shooter taken alive?
A: Police needed to first ensure he wasn’t one of them.
Q: Is this part of a rising wave of anti-Asian violence?
A: Actually, all 3,800 attacks on Asian people since March 2020 have been isolated incidents.
Q: Is there evidence to indicate motive?
A: Investigators haven’t ruled out severe mental instability after discovering the shooter regularly posted on Facebook.
Q: Could this be the mass shooting that finally persuades politicians to strengthen America’s gun laws?
A: No.
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Q: Has the rhetoric of American politicians and media toward China contributed to racist anti-Asian sentiment?
A: This shooting has nothing to do with America’s noble efforts to slay the red dragon China before it uses its ancient powers of indoctrination to destroy the American way of life.
Q: Can anything be done to prevent future attacks?
A: Authorities recommend all women carry mace in both hands at all times.
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Q: How many mass shootings have happened this year?
A: Officials don’t know but can assure the public that there are more to come.
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