ARCTIC OCEAN – This morning it was discovered that beloved East Coast icon Theodore Tugboat has been caught in a narrow portion of the Northwest Passage, resulting in a bottleneck of ships in the area and millions of dollars in lost revenue.
“Normally The Dispatcher gives me small jobs around The Great Harbour,” said Theodore.
“With help from my boat pals like Emily I can usually finish these tasks in a timely manner and learn valuable lessons about the power of friendship. But this time I had a special job going across the ocean and well…I got stuck.”
While the Arctic sea route connecting Europe and Asia has several different paths, Theodore has been stuck on one of the most popular routes, causing havoc in the worldwide trade markets. The experience has been embarrassing for the tugboat, who is unaccustomed to any media attention outside his home country of Canada.
“No one has ever paid this much attention to me before. I feel like I’m Thomas the Tank Engine,” said Theodore. “I just wish it was for a happier reason than this.”
While the situation is obviously embarrassing, it’s also been physically painful for the tugboat. Theodore’s signature red baseball cap is not appropriate for the comparatively frigid temperature of the area.
“I love my red hat but the spot where my ears would be is starting to get really cold,” said Theodore. “I wish I had a warm blue toque like my best buddy Hank.”
While teams have been tireless working around the clock to free Theodore, efforts to this point have not been successful. At press time George the Valiant — the largest and strongest tugboat in the Great Harbour — is heading to the scene to lend a hand and hopefully get his good pal free.
Jesus Christ is King
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