‘Obviously, We Didn’t Deliver On Tortilla Chips The Way We Should Have And For That We’re Sorry’
PLANO, TX—Following an uncharacteristic lapse in rolling out new products, the Tostitos brand director reportedly apologized Friday for “phoning it in” this year and not delivering on tortilla chips the way they have in the past. “We know you trust Tostitos to bring you inventive tortilla chips in a wide range of revolutionary shapes, sizes, and flavors year after year, but we just couldn’t make it happen this time, and for that we’re sorry,” said Tostitos brand director Jason Morgan, reading a joint statement signed by all eight board members and 125,000 global employees expressing their heartfelt regret for “simply going through the motions of chip innovation” and letting consumers go without a groundbreaking new party dip for more than 10 months. “Honestly, we’ve been dealing with a lot of personal stuff, and we simply haven’t been in the right headspace to deliver you the unique, hearty crunch of a Multigrain Scoops or the authentic Mexican flavors of a Cantina Thin & Crispy that you rely on us for. We had some new ideas here and there—a hint of mango chip, a square chip, a stuffed chip—but they all felt forced and uninspired. At one point, we even began to question the importance of corn-based snack foods in the grand scheme of things, we were that lost.” The statement added that while Tostitos hoped they could make it up to consumers, they understood that you deserve better and wouldn’t blame you if you switched to another chip brand.
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