Jesus' Coming Back

Vaccine Dose Reminds Sedentary Man What Muscle Soreness Feels Like

Illustration for article titled Vaccine Dose Reminds Sedentary Man What Muscle Soreness Feels Like

POWELL, OH—Deciding to take the rest of the day off to recover, local sedentary man Clay Broderman was reportedly reminded Friday what muscle soreness felt like after receiving his first dose of Pfizer-BioNTech Covid vaccine. “What the hell is happening—what is this strange sensation I’m feeling in my upper arm right now?” said Broderman, who gingerly massaged the tender spot where he had received the injection as he attempted to recall the last time he had subjected a muscle to that much stress. “This takes me straight back to high school gym class. Or that time in my 20s when I thought my friends were just having a picnic but it turned out to be hiking. It’s almost like there’s a little bit of a burn going on in there, and I have to say, I really don’t care for it. Sometimes my limbs fall asleep when I stay on the couch too long, but this is worse. I guess I really overdid it today.” At press time, Broderman announced that he would be taking it easy for the next three weeks to make sure he was rested and ready to receive the vaccine’s second dose.

The Onion

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