Op-Ed: I Know I’m On The Right Side Of History Because Every Corporation In America Agrees With Me

I’m on the right side of history, and my political opponents are on the wrong one.

How do I know this? 

I know this because every major corporation in America agrees with me. From Oreo and Coca-Cola to Delta Airlines and Disney, they all have come around to my point of view on every major social issue. This means I am correct.

If I’m being honest, I was a little unsure of my positions a year ago. I felt really lonely knowing I was only on the side of the NFL, NBA, and Disney. But when Major League Baseball came out in favor of my politics, I decided it was time to make a brave stand. Not because Google, Facebook, and Twitter all said my ideas are good — but because it was the right thing to do.

Fiction can help us understand this reality. In every sci-fi movie of the past 50 years, do you know who the good guys are? The corporations. They are on the right side of history in these prophetic films because they eliminate all the competition and then get to write the history themselves. 

I’m going to take a stand against the majority, even when it’s unpopular. And I know I’m in good company, because Subway is on my side.