GOP Oppose Infrastructure Bill With Uplifting Reminder It’s Okay To Be A Work In Progress

WASHINGTON—Declaring that the new $2 trillion proposal was unrealistic, GOP leaders reportedly voiced their opposition Tuesday to President Joe Biden’s infrastructure bill with an uplifting reminder that it is okay to be a work in progress. “What this proposal calls for is nothing less than a set of completely unhelpful expectations that every single bridge, road, and sewage system needs to conform to some rigorous set of perfect standards,” said Senate minority leader Mitch McConnell (R-KY), adding that lawmakers should instead be focusing on legislation that supported electrical grids and waste treatment facilities that were still figuring some stuff out. “Infrastructure comes in all shapes and sizes, and in all different conditions and levels of functionality, and we Republicans think that’s beautiful. It is irresponsible to compare one of our older trains or pothole-filled streets to a high-speed rail in Japan or utilities in Germany when it is perfectly fine to set your own benchmarks for success and work toward them at your own pace. This bill would put unnecessary pressure on our nation’s infrastructure to live up to impossible goals.” GOP officials added that throwing money around would only cause dependence on Congress and that it would be much more meaningful if the nation’s infrastructure was instead permitted to improve itself entirely on its own.

The Onion