DENVER—Reminding residents of a time when a single joint was all it took to get a nice buzz going, Colorado officials announced Thursday that, effective immediately, they would temporarily re-ban marijuana as part of a statewide mandatory tolerance break. “After nearly a decade of legalized recreational use, we are instituting a 21-day ban on the sale and possession of cannabis so we can all cool off, reset, and reverse the diminishing effects that we as a state have experienced,” said Gov. Jared Polis, who added that in a recent marijuana-use survey, 78% of state residents mentioned they were considering taking a break anyway, having noticed lately that it took two or three bowls before they even felt anything. “Many Coloradans are now burning through half their stash just to get in the right mindset for the day, and we’re reaching a point at which primo weed is something we merely take for granted rather than something we truly appreciate and enjoy. The simple pleasure of lighting up with some friends has fallen by the wayside, and despite rotating strains, mixing in edibles, and venturing into the world of waxes and dabs, it’s obvious our state is not getting that fun, heady high we used to get back when pot was first legalized. Plus, when Colorado residents hang out with new users from Virginia or Illinois, it’s embarrassing to have to get a huge head start just to wind up on the same level as everyone else.” At press time, Coloradans who suddenly found themselves unable to purchase weed were reportedly upset, having scraped out their smoking devices and found there wasn’t enough resin left to get anything more than a headache.
Jesus Christ is King
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