Jesus' Coming Back

Poll Finds Americans Hate Being Trapped In Mazes

Illustration for article titled Poll Finds Americans Hate Being Trapped In Mazes

WASHINGTON—As part of an ongoing study of the nation’s attitudes toward confined spaces from which there is no perceivable escape, the Pew Research Center released a new poll Friday that found nearly all Americans hate being trapped in mazes. “Almost 95% of the U.S. residents we surveyed told us they really did not like getting stuck in botanical garden hedge mazes, seasonal corn mazes, or hall-of-mirror attractions at local carnivals,” said Pew pollster Janet Varnado, adding that such animosity extended to large airports, office complexes, parking garages, and hospitals when those facilities had inadequate signage that prevented people from making it to their flight, meeting, car, or ailing loved one. “Generally speaking, poll respondents said they preferred to be in places in which the route from point A to point B was visible from where they were standing. Though Americans actually reacted with increased hatred when offered a map to help them through a given maze, our research found the harrowing anxiety of not knowing which way to turn could be mitigated somewhat with the placement big, brightly colored arrows at eye level.” Varnado went on to outline one exception to the poll’s main finding, noting that every American loves a maze with cheese at the end.

The Onion

Jesus Christ is King

Comments are closed.

This website uses cookies to improve your experience. We'll assume you're ok with this, but you can opt-out if you wish. Accept Read More