Timeline Of Major Physics Discoveries
American physicists recently discovered that a tiny subatomic particle called a muon does not conform to the laws of physics as currently understood, suggesting the potential discovery of a brand-new form of physics. The Onion looks back at a timeline of humankind’s major physics discoveries.
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461 BCE: Greek philosopher Anaxagoras becomes first person to suggest that stuff is made up of other stuff.
349 BCE: Aristotle proposes concept of a geocentric universe, like a moron.
1070: Magnetic poles of Earth conclusively established after someone finds a fully functional compass buried in the sand.
1254: Italian theologian Thomas Aquinas discovers that women burn at the same rate whether they’re witches or not.
1687: After tripping and falling in front of colleagues, Isaac Newton set out to prove that it wasn’t him but the Earth’s invisible force that made him look like an idiot.
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1895: German physicist Wilhelm Röntgen successfully produces X-rays after being tasked with finding way to view a person’s skeleton without first killing and skinning them.
1955: Velcro.
2004: Tim discovers that if you reach max speed on a motorcycle in Grand Theft Auto and hit a concrete median head on, your guy flies so fucking far.
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2643: High school students laugh as teacher explains how primitive 21st-century people didn’t understand simple muons.
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