For Maximum Protection, Vaccine Now Offered In Continuous IV Drip You Carry Around For The Rest Of Your Life

WORLD—The world will return to a new normal now as every major manufacturer of COVID vaccine has begun offering a continuous intravenous drip that you will have to carry around for the rest of your life.

The ingenious new vaccine delivery system from Pfizer, Moderna, and AstraZeneca will slowly and continuously drip the vaccine into a person’s bloodstream presumably granting immunity to the coronavirus, so long as it is never removed from your body. When your IV bag runs out of vaccine fluid, you can simply go back to your local pharmacy for a refill at a nominal fee.

“Immunity? Yeah, of course,  that’s the idea,” said Pfizer’s Chief Business Officer. “Americans desperately hope that if they are stuck by enough needles that they can go back to work, fully open their businesses, and have their kids in school again, and this continuous drip is an option for that.” 

The IV drip version of the vaccine comes in the wake of many prominent politicians signaling that life still couldn’t return to normal despite the millions of normal vaccine jabs many Americans had already received. However, if they hook themselves up to this continuous drip system, they might have a shot at that someday.

“Now this is a game-changer, and I think it will do a lot of good, though experts don’t foresee life getting back to normal until at least late 2022,” said Dr. Fauci when asked about the new state-of-the-art vaccine delivery system.

At publishing time, Dr. Fauci confirmed that though this IV delivery system is a great measure in the fight against COVID-19, Americans must continue to socially distance and wear masks at all times in public.