Police Department To Avoid Future Errors By Replacing All Equipment Officers Carry With Guns
BROOKLYN CENTER, MN— In a swift response to renewed calls for reform following the fatal shooting of 20-year-old Daunte Wright, the Brooklyn Center Police Department announced Tuesday that they would avoid future errors by replacing all equipment that officers carry with guns. “Handcuffs, nightsticks, pepper spray—anything an officer could possibly reach for while on duty will now be a semi-automatic pistol to make sure we’re not making any more mistakes,” said acting police chief Tony Greunig, who called former police officer Kim Potter’s lethal mix-up between her gun and Taser a “tragic accident” that could have easily been avoided had she been carrying nothing but dozens of guns in the first place. “This comprehensive citywide initiative will ensure our officers never make the same mistake again. Regardless of the situation they’re responding to, the officer will always be reaching for a gun. Gun shoes, gun badge, gun hat, gun car. Kevlar vests will be placed by a full bandolier of guns covering both sides of our chests.” At press time, dozens of Brooklyn Center residents were dead after an officer had mistakenly reached for his AR-15 rather than his Glock 17.
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